Sunday, April 02, 2006

The Operating System FAQ

How can I protect my Windows computer from Viruses, spyware, adware, malware?
Open the case. Remove the network card, floppy drive, modem, and cd/dvd drives. Fill all USB and Firewire ports with some kind of silicone based sealant.

My computer has an integrated network device and/or modem, which cannot be removed. What now?
Fill them with some kind of silicone based sealant.

How can I protect my Linux computer from Viruses, spyware, adware, malware?
I don't understand the question.

Is Linux ready for the desktop?
Yes.

Is Windows ready for the desktop?
No.

Can Microsoft be trusted?
No.

What about Trusted Computing?
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Which is better, vi or Emacs?
vi.

What is the best Linux news site?
lxer.com

What is the best Windows news site?
http://www.us-cert.gov/ http://www.symantec.com

Should I buy a Mac?
Sure. Why not. It's your money.

Which is the best Linux distribution?
Debian.

Which is the best version of Windows?
I don't know. PCLinuxOS, Linspire, Mepis. One of those, probably.

Should I say GNU/Linux, or just Linux?
You can write GNU, but don't try to pronounce it, unless you want to look like a bit of an idiot. As to which bit of the idiot you will look like - I leave that to your own imagination.

Which BSD distribution is best?
***insert flame war about the use of "distribution" in relation to BSD here***

Ok, which BSD "flavor" is best?
The next one.

What kind of an answer is that?
It's called a "cop out".

Should I use KDE, or GNOME?
KDE.

Tell me about The Hurd.
Yes, and when is that new Duke Nukem game coming out?

The /home partition is getting full. How do I free up some space?
cd /home; rm -rf `ls -I ben` does it for me, though you need to run it as root. (Do not execute this command)

Should I try VMS?
Ye I thi yo shou tr VMS.

What happened to those Weapons of Mass Destruction?
Saddam's Windows servers? They were replaced by a single BSD box.

Who is that masked man?
Henry the Adequate

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

emacs. emacs. emacs. emacs. emacs.
emacs. emacs. emacs. emacs. emacs.
emacs. emacs. emacs. emacs. emacs.
emacs. emacs. emacs. emacs. emacs.
emacs. emacs. emacs. emacs. emacs.
emacs. emacs. emacs. emacs. emacs.
emacs. emacs. emacs. emacs. emacs.
emacs. emacs. emacs. emacs. emacs.

Get it in your head. emacs!

Bob Robertson said...

I was in a Best Buy yesterday, and the sales-drone told me that Vista would run great on an AMD64x2. I almost bit him. As If I Would Waste All That Glorious CPU On Microsoft Eye-Candy! I don't think he'd ever had someone react as a Linux Bigot before. It was fun.

Ben said...

anonymous:
Just what are you trying to say? Stop beating about the bush.

Mr Robertson:
Not to mention all the CPU cycles you'd be wasting on adware, spyware, etc.

PS I heard a rumour they are going to rename Vista to "Windows 2010" to match its actual release date. Just a rumour.

Jim Dennnis said...

For the question about "/home is almost full" I prefer: pvcreate $DEV && vgextend $VOLGROUP $DEV && lvextend /dev/$VOLGROUP/home && e2online /dev/$VOLGROUP/home

:)

Ben said...

Mr Dennnis:
Impressive. In the spirit of KISS, let me just say mv /home/* /dev/null

Lorraine said...

KISS? as in Keep It Simple Stupid...I shiver, imagine someone trying to translate this gibberish, I mean brilliant techno language!

I understand a few things like:
I don't understand the question
Yes
No
Can Microsoft be trusted
Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Ben said...

Yes, Keep It Simple Stupid. Or Keep It Simple Sally, if your name happens to be Sally. Sally is a neat name, except I think it was an awful name for that guy in "Eddie and the Cruisers"

Or did I dream that?

Anonymous said...

You are dreaming, you've gone to bed, don't you remember? this is all a figment of your insanity! Poor boy

Sally

Anonymous said...

Windows vista is bad-ass... SIKE I downloaded the most recent beta of that piece of crap, and it took like 2hr to install on a turion x64 laptop with 512mb ram, and runs super slow... I see a need for at least 2gb ram when it's released. Unfortionately, I hate to admit it I'll probably be getting a copy of it when it's released since I'm a gamer and games under linux don't seem to go well with cedega or wine... Not to mention DX10 will only be available on Vista and will not be ported to XP... I'd rather do real work under linux.

Christian Jensen said...

Nooooooooooooo:

"What is the best Linux news site?
lxer.com"

Ben said...

Anonymous:
I miss games.

Christian:
Notice how I'm not calling you Mr Jensen. It's because I want to make people think I am on first name terms with the creater of the magnificent and highly newsful debian-news.net

deepspawn said...

1. Viper-Emacs
2. Gnome

yet anyway I like your point of view... nice list.

Anonymous said...

vi is definitely better if you want a beep editor.
Now, if you had asked which is a better *text* editor, the answer would have been Emacs.

Ben said...

YOu can edit beeps? I thought only the Road Runner could do that.

Soleh said...

"How can I protect my Linux computer from Viruses, spyware, adware, malware?
I don't understand the question.

Yeah, this is cool operating system for Linux is much different then Windows