Friday, November 03, 2006

Weekly Debian Nudes #3 - or "How to flog a dead horse"

And here, once again, flying in the face of common sense, of good taste, comes the legendary Weekly Debian Nudes, determination in every line of its features, like a superhero who has accidentally strayed onto the wrong blog.

Yes, despite the fact that the genuine Debian Weekly News has been published this week, and despite that fact that the reader has no doubt woken up to the realization that I know nothing whatsoever about anything that is going on in the Debian project and mostly just ramble on a bit about whatever has happened on my computer lately (Well, I am running Debian, so that counts as Debian news, right?), not to mention making up some stuff about Debian people I have never met, and then finally throwing in a few sentences so long that by the time you get to the end of them we've all forgotten what they were supposed to be about.... Where was I?

Ah, right; I was explaining that this right here is the third issue of the famous Weekly Debian Nudes, which totally deserves to be in bold.

Firstly, and this is the bit where we get to the actual news, Debian Weekly News has returned, although indications are it will no longer be a weekly, so that just goes to show how great I am.

But just in case you still don't get it - I am great.

In other news, Technoblogical posted a really fab article on Documentation in Debian, which contains almost two coherent sentences. That may be a record of some kind.

Debian Sarge has been updated again (Release 4) , and Etch is still on target for a December release, but don't quote me on that, mostly because I didn't say it.

Ubuntu 5.04 is now officially unsupported, like a win98 in an XP world. Oh how the rolling panoramic Vistas call poor old 5.04 on to Valhalla, where courageous mixed-metaphors party like it's some kind of eternal 1999.

But on to the important stuff.

It has been reported, and a recent study confirms, that almost all of the Debian developers shower naked.

"What?!" Suddenly the reader's ears prick up at the prospect of finally seeing some good hardcore shagging, before realizing that this is the "Weekly Debian Nudes", and the prospect of any actual nudity is very slim indeed, which is more than I can say for many of those Debian developers.

The reader's ears then go on to win several major literary prizes for their article entitled Why "reader's ears" can't possibly see anything, in which they explain that ears are not eyes, and that the likelihood of "reader's ears" realizing anything about the Weekly Debian Nudes is also extremely remote, on account of them being ears, and not brains, and that therefore Ben is a bit of a moron and can't write to save his elbow. I mean his life. You know what I mean.

In next week's episode we finally see some actual content. Also in next week's episode, the reader's ears are disappointed to find that my promises of actual content were, as usual, without substance. Finally, in next week's episode, it turns out that after winning several million dollars in the lottery I find it increasingly difficult to give a toss about actual content.

I think I shall buy a packet of Tim Tams that never runs out.


Lorraine said...

Told 'ya nobody notices a genius until he's dead, but keep on with the nudes and the showers and who knows who'll show up...besides me, it's largely a matter of sleeping habits see, people sleep too much

Christian Pfeiffer Jensen said...

Well, at least I try to get some Debian folks in here. Perhaps some pictures of someone using Debian taking a shower to would help?

Anonymous said...

What!? You know nothing about what's going on in the Debian project?!
I thought that you was one of the main developpers....
Now, I'm very disapointed!!!!
You've lost one of your only three readers :)

Ben said...

Yes, damn those sleepful people.

I tried your idea but just ended up electrocuting myself. It hurt a bit. Also, the laptop stopped working, so I tried to rinse all of the soap and shampoo off, but that didn't really seem to help. I think I will remove all of the capacitors and stuff from the motherboard and wash them all individually. Yes, that should do the trick.

Ha! I don't have three readers! That must be you Lorraine. Right? :)

Lorraine said...

actually no, I thought it was you! Oh My God...could it be...

Ben said...

You mean I could actually have had three readers? Naaaah.

Christian Pfeiffer Jensen said...

This is the top 4 of search keyphrases on my site.

debian news 66 8.1 %
ubuntu 6.10 review 37 4.5 %
ubuntu 6.10 screenshots 20 2.4 %
nudes 12 1.4 %

It's your fault that a decent site like Debian-news now is being assaulted by nude seeking Debian developers and users!

Shame on you!

And no! I haven't bough the domain!

Ben said...

So, what you're saying is "Keep up the good work", right?