Friday, December 29, 2006

Free Laptops from Microsoft reveals that certain bloggers are receiving free high-end laptop computers from Microsoft.

So where's my free laptop, Mr Gates? Here on my extremely popular Microsoft shill site I am saying nice things about MS all the time, as I'm sure both of my readers would gladly attest.

For example: in which I said, "People are going to want to buy this".

Also, this article about Vista, in which I say, "You know you want it."

See, I am totally pro-Microsoft, and completely deserving of free stuff.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Weekly Debian Nubiles #6

Did you ever get the feeling that maybe all of the adults have left the Debian project for greener pastures (ie Ubuntu)? When you read about developers deliberately sabotaging the release of Etch ( - see also here) do you just think "Oh well, another candidate for the famous Linux Hissy-Fit Award" or do you possibly begin to wonder if this points to a deeper, darker, drearier and - notwithstanding my amazing powers of alliteration - way way dastardlier plot.

Yes, brave reader, welcome to this week's Weekly Debian Nubiles - the column that dares to ask the undarable questions, to climb the unclimbable heights, to view the unviewable porn... And the important question for this week is, are we dealing with a bunch of selfish thirteen year old primadonnas who apparently don't give a toss about Debian? And if so, how attractive is Opensuse looking right now?

These questions, and many others, will be answered a little later. Well, probably much later. By somebody else. This is because Weekly Debian Nudes is the column which dares to ask the undarable questions, not answer them, and also on account of my legendary reluctance to get involved in any actual research.

Anyway, in other news the release critical bug count continues to decline, despite the resistance of certain treacherous developers who will remain nameless to protect the guilty, and also on account of my legendary reluctance to get involved in any actual research. Those guys will no doubt rot in the pits of some hideous hell that looks remarkably like the first level of Doom, or Quake, or Duke Nukem, or whichever one it was had the scene with the hidden porn in the movie theatre... But I seem to have become distracted again, so will now move on, cleverly avoiding any recognition that my own imagination has become atrophied out of all existence by years of mindless computer games. Damn solitaire.

Finally, in the major news item for this week, the long awaited Ubuntu Satanic Edition has been released and will no doubt soon burst onto your screen with lots of fire and brimstone and chocolate sauce, just like in that Buffy episode with the demon in the computers.

All hail the anti-buntu.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Weekly Debian Nudes #5 - because it doesn't need to be weekly to be called weekly

Let me tell you a story. It is not about a man named Jed. Well, it could be - what with all those thousands of Debian developers out there, one of them might be called Jed. You never know.

But for now, let's just assume that this story is not about a man named Jed. Instead, let us pretend it is about a bunch of guys who think it might be kinda neat to put together some software from various places, test it, refine it, and release it to the world as something called a "distribution".

Let us also pretend that these guys have a strange and inexplicable policy of releasing their "distribution" only when it is really ready to be released. If this policy does not seem strange to you, then most likely you do not work in the software industry, or have never heard of Duke Nukem 3d.

Anyway, these guys go about their happy mission, releasing high quality distributions whenever the holy spirits move them, or, you know, whenever they've been off the spirits long enough, though there be years between releases and the rest of the world has long overtaken them, in terms of functionality at least.

Then, one day, along comes the Dunc Tank, a group whose name apparently derives from some kind of pool games, although it might be nice if they could learn how to spell dunk. Regardless of how you spell it, this Dun[c|k] Tank is made up of some guys who think it might be nice to get the next release of Debian out on time for a change. To this end, and apparently oblivious to the
fact that in the context of the larger group's policy "on time" really just means "when it is ready", the Dunc Tank resolves to pay certain prominent developers to meet the release goals - specifically December 4, 2006.

Which brings me, in a roundabout kind of way, to the point of the story - since the last Weakly Debian Nudes the expected release date for Debian 4.0 (Etch) has passed, with no release in sight. I guess I could have just said that, without the whole story thing, but then what would I fill up the rest of this post with?

Anyway, I suppose this means the whole Dunc Tank experiment was a failure, admittedly from the viewpoint of an outsider, and admittedly from the viewpoint of an outsider who has done no research whatsoever and really doesn't care very much about accuracy.

Now you may notice that, since the goals of Dunc and Debian vary considerably, this is not a failure for Debian. Debian fails only if the next release is not of sufficient quality and stability, and from the viewpoint of this desktop user Etch is already of higher quality than Sarge ever was.

Next week in the Weekly Debian Nudies: Silence. Glorious silence.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Yay Sun!


If I had a dollar for every time Sun announced that they were going to release Java under an open source license, I would be able to buy a really nice lunch instead of this nasty sandwich.

And every time they so announce there is this huge "Yaaaay for Sun!!!" cry from all and sundry.

The thing is, saying it is not doing it. Doing is an entirely different thing to saying. You get that, right?

Sun: We are going to open source Java.

Everyone: Yippeee yippee cheer cheer.

Sun: Wow, I think we'll say that again next month.

Maybe if you all stop giving them credit for the doing stuff, when they're really only exercising the jawbone, then just maybe they might actually get around to releasing some of that Java you've all been hanging out for.

Not me. I don't give a toss about Java.