Monday, January 22, 2007

10 Reasons not to get the 10 reasons not to get Vista article

"Cogs Can Think" has published a rebuttal to APCMag's "Ten reasons not to get Vista", but it seems as though the author has never truly looked up "rebuttal" in the dictionary. Of course, neither have I, but there you go.

As pointed out almost unanimously in the comments the Cogs rebuttal failed to rebut. Therefore it falls to I, as Windows advocate #1, and in the hope of getting one of those free laptops, to put paid to the shameful lies and half-truths of the APCMag article. Ok, maybe not half truths, exactly - let's say 95%. .. Therefore it falls to me to put paid to the shameful lies and 95% truths of the APCMag article.

  1. "You don't actually need it": Oh, I need it alright, man. I have the shakes. My brain hurts. I need it sooooooo bad I am just going to burst all over the place like a ripe pimple if I don't get me some Vista soon. Now, as to the whole "Vista doesn't do anything you can't already do with XP" bit; well, you can't just go quantifying needs like that. Needs are much more complex, much more spiritual, much more... you know.... dammit, it's so hard to think right now. If you throw me just a bit of Vista, I'm sure I can get it together enough to finish this... Arrrrrrh, that is good shit, man. So, listen - Microsoft needs us to buy Vista for the sake of their profits. What's good for Microsoft is good for the consumer. Therefore, we do indeed need Vista.
  2. "Cost $$... You already have XP, and alternatives like Linux are free.": Time is money. Money is money. Time is relative to one's movement in space. Space is infinite. Therefore Money is infinite, so what are you worried about? (Economic theories courtesy of the US Federal Reserve)
  3. "It's outrageously overpriced": When something is this good, it doesn't matter the cost. For further details see item #1. Also, see #2 for a discussion of the ultimate abundance of money. I mean, how can it be overpriced, if money is infinite?
  4. "Upgrading Hardware": Now this is just lunacy. Upgrading hardware is fun. Buying new things is fun. I mean People really really like buying new kit. Therefore this #4 is an argument for Vista, not against.
  5. "Driver Support": What does Vista have to do with golf anyway?
  6. "Applications that don't work": This is merely an opportunity to buy more stuff, and people love buying stuff (See #4).
  7. "It's a big fat target": Now this is exactly the kind of insensitive, prejudiced rubbish I'd expect from APCMag. I believe the correct term is "big horizontally challenged target." Anyway, Vista is easily within the acceptable weight range for its height. Besides, if Linux were as popular as Windows, and made it impossible to get anything done without being administrator, and integrated Internet Explorer with the operating system kernel, and included gigabytes of legacy code and nasty hacks just to make sure stuff written for Win95 would still run, then Linux would be a pretty damn easy target too.
  8. "UAC": Look, all UAC means is that the user has to click "OK" a few more times than usual. What's the big deal - users are used to clicking "OK" anyway, what with Windows having wizards for every damn thing, and pretty soon users don't even think about it, or read the dialog or anything, so it's really not much of an inconvenience, once the user is properly trained. And the extra security of having that enormous "OK" button to click on is very much worth it.
  9. "DRM ... nothing more than a liability to you, the user": Now, hang on a minute. I may not know what big words like "liability" and "to" mean, but I'm pretty sure you're saying something bad about DRM, and I for one won't stand for it. DRM is a philanthropic effort on the part of movie studios and record companies to ensure that the consumer gets the best possible product for their money - none of this nasty pirate stuff. They are just looking out for our best interest. Also, remember, what's good for Hollywood is good for the consumer.
  10. "The Draconian License": Hey, it's not easy to eke out a meagre living as a predatory software monopoly, on the bones of your arse, scratching in the dirt for some meagre crumbs, and along comes the callous, uncaring user who suddenly wants to buy/build a new computer without buying a new copy of Windows. Shame on you. Shame. Bill Gates desperately needs that revenue. Remember, What's good for Microsoft is good for the consumer.
And that, Mr Cogs, is how you write a rebuttal. I hope you learned something from this such as, I don't know, how great I am and how like a lowly worm you are, but in case you didn't I will just point out here that I am a great computer guru guy who knows lots and lots about Vista despite not having a copy yet because my free laptop from Microsoft seems to have been delayed in the post but it's sure to arrive any day now and then I will be a happy little Vista user forever and ever or until Vista+1 comes out sometime around 2020.

34 comments:

Herman said...

Hear hear! This is most definitely the best rebuttal ever published in history of "I don't f***ing care how many reasons I need not to get screwed by Vista".

In remarkable contrast with all the other rebuttal stuff, this one is the first not to keep lingering on the surface. Keep it going!

I work for the NSA, btw, and I took care of Vista security. So be advised not to skip Vista, because... we're gonna get your number!

doyle & body said...

This rebuttal need some serious rebutting!

Ben said...

Herman:
Wow, NSA. Say hi to Neil Armstrong for me. But you should also know that John Crighton is not really dead - he just fell into a wormhole and ended up on the other side of the galaxy. (<-- obscure Farscape reference)

But of course you said NSA, and not NASA. Sorry, I have nothing funny to say about the NSA, because I am terrified on account of they have my number.

doyle & body:
Fear not. I have been rebutted often, and mercilessly, on account of being married.

Anonymous said...

you are a silly capitalist

Anonymous said...

You are an idiot. I feel like I wasted my time reading only the first 4 or your retarded-ass reasons. How can you blog and feel good about yourself at the same time?

Seriously, you suck. Kill yourself.

Ben said...

Anonymous:
coward.

Anonymous said...

lol. What can I say... I guess in the end I don't need 10 reasons not to by Vista, only one. Lin...

The NSA scares the shit out of me too...

Ruben said...

Satire is the highest form of wit. Only problem with it is you have to be reasonably intelligent to pick up on it (yes that's you anonymous!)

Cheers,
Ruben

Ben said...

Thanks Ruben. I guess sometimes I am just soooooooooooooooo damn subtle.

Anonymous said...

But, I am sitting on my butt reading the rebuttal of the rebuttal but I don't get the butt of the joke...is this all a wearisome pain in the butt ?? No buts about it....

Ben said...

Sorry, but I don't respond to anonymous commen.... oh, crap.

Anonymous said...

Great, great. Don't mind these lobotomized who can't understand a bit of irony.

dodger said...

LOL!!!
Great rebuttal, dude!

you$uckdude said...

great read showing how much of a micro$haft Dupe you are.Do they have you on payroll or something?

Gvaz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gvaz said...

i understand the satire, but capitalism is basically failure.

Anonymous said...

I read it all how sad am I

Anonymous said...

like Vista, comments like anonymous's that just don't get it are priceless, yet they come for free without us asking for it. Or knowing we want it.

Now we crave more.

Anonymous said...

Get real you guys! XP & Vista suck because Microsoft SUCKS!(Damn EULA) Linux is cool, I just wish there was one package that ran ALL my hardware! Just be smart and run Solaris, anything by SUN is bright!

Hugh said...

I enjoyed reading it. Very "pithy" and loved the satire.

It seems however that it was just too damn subtle for some boneheads.

Does the NSA have any black helicopters ? I think I just saw one outside my window ...

Ben said...

Yeah, I am too subtle. It is the burden of genius that we often have to explain ourselves to lesser beings.

I am uncertain about the black helicopters, but as a precaution keep your head down, and wear a hat. Especially when using your computer.

They can watch you through your monitor. (That's the screen thing. I know stuff like that, because of my computer guruness)

Anonymous said...

You should consider taking a job with the reserve bank as your understanding of time and money is obviously infinite. In fact, if the amount of money you have is infinite, then Bill must have no money? In fact, you should go back into the matrix or that second something world?

Ben said...

I tried, but they won't have me back, dammit.

Anonymous said...

not a rebuttal...just have to tell Ben thanks for the subtle but really damn funny article.

worth the read!!! and knowledge on the infinite money

Ben said...

Yeah, I am subtle alright.

PS I don't respond to anonymous comments. With the possible exception of those that say nice things about me.

I am not an attention whore. Shut up.

Anonymous said...

HA HA HA came across this article today & i must say it was hilarious...realy good...As for those who didnt get it...well i sympathise about your retardness but the beauty of it was, after calling this blog a time waste, you went ahead & commented on it!!! Didnt that waste your time??!! or were u in some time warp where it made no diff...and i guess by wasting time here u all were unable to save the world from the little green aliens who were attacking us...

hot fox lover said...

ROFL thanks, i needed that laugh! Don't we just love microsoft!

Anonymous said...

number 5 was not about golf. Second, do you honestly think that DRM is grear? Sure, I'm all for anti-piracy efforts, but that does not mean that backing up DVDs or distributing software to back up DVDs should be illegal. Money is not infinite, because the materials in money are not infinite in supplies. After all, matter can neither be created nor destroyed. In other words, you can't give what you don't have. All companies just care about making money and will stab the consumer in back, by saying the upgrade is needed. Other than those problems, nice article. I hope it was meant as satire.

RxnMan said...

"I hope it was meant as satire" are you F'ing kidding me anonymous????? thats it. go kill yourself.

I'm not much of a computer guy oh computer guru, however your rebuttal to the rebuttal was an entertaining read! :-)

oh and I hope bill gets butt raped while he's sleeping for integrating IE into the OS to this extent...

Anonymous said...

OmG, RoFL having read all this posts on this thread Im reminded of this that: "...there are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy" Copyright 1564-1616 EV - William Shakespeare ( that's especially for the time travelling NSA/DRM men in black currently monitoring this Blog... You know who You are... Mr Anonymous ;-)

Go Ben, your work has now been quoted alongside Shakespeare... and speaking of time travel, the one best reason not to use VISTA is "The Future" It's really going to suck when M$ products are the only available 'distribution channels' for digital multimedia content to our homes. It's a future where nobody can write their own code or choose their own OS, because all the HW manufacturers will have to provide HW based encryption in order to remain commercially viable (read stay in the M$ ballpark).

But hey don't anyone let that get in the way of purchasing VISTA just for Directx 10, when you can enjoy enhanced blood spatter effects in your FPS, cos imho, that's the only thing that's evolutionary (sic), for the end user of this product, and it's so totally and absolutely worth sacrificing all that the PC has made possible for it's users over the last 15 years.. that last sentence is what is commonly called sarcasm by english speakers whi have some grasp of the language.

BTW: If anyone really ( i.e seriously) wants to get to grips with what VISTA is about Google up "the longest suicide note in history"

Anonymous said...

this crap is just about as useful as tits on a bull...........

Ben said...

Hmmmm, tits.

Marty said...

oh man, funniest rebuttal ever! LOL @ everybody who takes this way too seriously! they really need to lighten up..

Anonymous said...

I laughed my ass off at the irony. You're a genius man!